Well, I have decided it's time to start blogging again.  I may make things private thought - haven't really decided.  I do need a safe place which makes me think I need to go private.  Otherwise, the whole world can see my entries.  ?????????????  Hmm. . . gotta think that one through. 

I am sooooooooooooo tired.  There are days I wonder how I am going to get one foot in front of the other.  I am trying so hard to cling to God but many days it feels like he is so far away it's hard to see where to cling.  It's those days I remind myself that he is actually holding me in his hands - I don't have to hold onto him at all. 

Here is what I journaled about on Tuesday

Jodi and the terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day.

At 1am, ds woke up screaming and kept screaming.  Finally calmed down enough to realize it was his “mouth” and “ear” so gave him some motrin.  A few hours later, snuggled between us, he dozed off.  I sighed and began to relax myself.

Just as I was about to sleep, dd started screaming from the other room.  I rushed in and she was sitting up in bed almost hyperventilating.  I rubbed her back and her hands until she fell back asleep.

I laid back down only to realize I had to go to the bathroom.

Just as I was dozing off again, the alarm went off.  I realized it might be a very long day.

When we woke up dh was in a lot of pain so he decided to go to the doctor.  I had already decided to take ds in today as he was running a fever and complaining about his ear and “mouth” which I suspected was his throat.

Back to sleep for a few hours.  Up at 8 to make doctor’s appointments.  The kids both heard me up and got up.  * sigh* I am tired.  It is going to be a VERY VERY long day.

Went potty again only to wheeze on the toilet to the point that I felt I would pass out.  It is not that great of a day.

Got the doctor’s appointments made with no real issues.  Got a shower taken thanks to dh being home.  Got the kids ready but this was a major struggle.  ds is crabby and not wanting to do anything for himself as he has been for at least a week.   I am tired.  How much longer will this day be.

dh leaves for the doctor, I finish cleaning the kitchen so the dog won’t trash it.  I am exhausted by now.  Load the kids in the car (very early) and set out.  dh joins us in the waiting room after his appointment.  He had to have a shot of antibiotics to keep from needing a tracheotomy – he has something wrong with his throat – the little ball thing hanging down is swollen to the point the doc wants him to rush to the E.R. if he has anymore trouble breathing or heavy breathing.  He also had a chest x-ray and blood work done.  Has to go back tomorrow to discuss the results and find out how his throat is.  Scary stuff.

I encourage dh to go home – why have 2 parents at the doctor and we do have separaste cars so he leaves when the nurse calls us.   We in our sick exhausted stupors forget to tell the kids and ds starts melting down cuz daddy is leaving. 

Doc comes in and great as usual.  Ends up the kids both have strep.  I leave with prescriptions and a huge headache.  I want to go home to sleep not run around getting stuff.  Go through drive thru at walgreens.  No prescription card – what happened to it?  ds has never had a prescription in his life. 

Home to make lunch for everyone.  Back to walgreens.  They graciously use dd's prescription info to make ds' meds covered by insurance. 

Home to drop of meds.  I leave for urgent care to have myself looked at.  ds has never had antibiotics so I tell dh what to watch for and tell him I’ll take the truck in case they have a medical issue. 

Go get in car and head to urgent care.  I get to urgent care only to realize I was supposed to take the truck.  Call fdh to let him know.  Wait about 1.5 hours to be seen.  I have an ear infection, a nasal infection and and something in my lungs. 

Go to walgreen’s drive thru and then Target – can’t do both at one place since I don’t have a prescription card.   Buy soup and kids Tylenol and motrin at target.  Pick up script at Walgreen’s.

Home at last.  It feels like it has been a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.

But then I remember what Alexander’s mom told him “some days are like that” and I pray for sunshine and happiness tomorrow.

I went with yesterday - I put on my rational hat and realized that with 5 kids under 5.5, mom and dad needed my help.  Mom said she was glad I went.  I am so glad I went too.  It was gorgeous and I loved being outside almost the whole day.  We waited an HOUR for the tour.  Sheesh. . . . it was outside though and the kids ran around the whole time.  When we got home, dh walked int he door right after we did.  It was nice to have dinner ready in the crockpot :). 

After dinner, we all cleaned the house and that was nice.  Just really vaccuumed and cleaned the kitchen well but still it was nice.

I felt really crummy last night though.  It's like morning sickness is in reverse for me and at night (after about 4pm) it is so much worse :(.  Annoying too.  Ah, well.  HOping it ends SOON.

DS is still bfing but I have taken him down to once per day.  It hurts more every day and I don't know how long I can make it with this.  NOt to mention he is past three.  I try to tell him "genlte" but we'll see how it goes.

Well, here is entry number one.  I am mostly good right now just tired and feeling dragged down.

The kids are supposed to go with mom and dad to the jelly belly factory tomorrow.  I thought I was going with to help with th ekids but they told me yesterday I could just have the whole day to myself - now, I don't know what to do???????????  *sigh*  I think I'll go with but a day alone sounds very tempting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!